“We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It’s that women are STRONG.” -Laura Stavoe
When you have a second baby, one thing you can’t help doing is comparing your second pregnancy with your first, and your second baby’s birth with the birth of your first. Interestingly (or not so interestingly) my pregnancy with Lili was almost identical to my pregnancy with Alex. They were both due in January, I carried each of them about 38 weeks, and gained the same amount of weight over the same amount of time. However, with Lili I had slightly more nausea and carried her a little lower than Alex. The most jarring difference was the Braxton Hicks contractions I experienced all throughout the last trimester with Lili, whereas I had them for only two days before going into labor with Alex. When it came to going into labor, I eased into it with Alex and my water broke after 8 hours of obvious early labor. With Lili, my water breaking is what really kicked things off. I had a birth center birth with Alex, which was wonderful. The only thing I didn’t like about the experience was driving to the center and then driving home. Since things had gone so smoothly I felt confident to plan on just staying home this second time around.
In the very early morning of January 2nd, I woke up with pretty intense Braxton Hicks. Intense enough that I knew I should pay attention to see if something rhythmic develops. However, the cramping subsided and I just laid there resting a few more hours before it was time to get up. When I got up I was feeling a little bit “off.” It’s really hard to describe exactly how I was feeling. It was a combination of tired, crampy, uncomfortable. I didn’t let on that I was struggling, I didn’t want to alarm Dave or Alex and I felt better after eating breakfast. We kissed Dave goodbye as he headed off to work then Alex and I settled into a super relaxed morning hanging out on the couch. I turned on Daniel Tiger and made a sort of nest with blankets and pillows for me to lay down on my left side, a little bit propped up. Fortunately, the demands of my little two-year-old were not too great, he happily watched his show and played with his toys. That was a good thing because I started feeling “off” again and had to make several trips to the bathroom, each time feeling a little bit better afterward, but still just uncomfortable. It’s funny, it didn’t really occur to me that this was a sign of early labor. I was so in the moment dealing with how I was feeling and distracted by Alex and Daniel Tiger that I wasn’t even on guard about being in labor. I made Alex and myself some lunch, apple slices and peanut butter and jelly on sprouted grain bread. After we ate we settled back in front of the TV, Alex with his toys and me in my nest.
I can’t remember what prompted me to get up, but right around 12:30pm as I hoisted myself off the couch, I felt a strange kind of clicking sensation at my cervix and once I was standing all the way up, I felt that tell-tale little trickle of wetness down my leg. My heart started beating out of my chest! I thought “My water broke! My water totally just BROKE! This baby is coming today!” I took a deep breath and tried to stay calm, I collected myself and decided the first thing to do is text Dave. He was in a meeting, his phone on the table, and it was actually his friend who saw the text come in. She practically pushed him over showing him the text, he stood up immediately and said “I GOTTA GO!” After I texted Dave, I paged the midwives, and texted my doula. Then I picked up Alex, sang a shaky and quick rendition of our sleep time song, and laid him in his crib for his nap. It was perfect timing really, just about a half hour earlier than usual.
I set myself up in the bathroom, just as I had done after my water broke when I was in labor with Alex, and waited for the midwives to call. When they called, we went over the whole check list of important things to check when your water breaks. One interesting thing was that in my home birth kit there was a large Q-tip looking thing, they told me to touch the swab to some of the fluid. Sometimes pregnancy has a way of making you leak in another way, so the swab will change color if it’s amniotic fluid, but won’t if it’s *ahem* something else. Sure enough, it changed color! My midwife, Erin, also instructed me to get out of the bathroom and go get comfortable somewhere to commence what she called “the rotisserie chicken routine.” Lie down on one side and breathe deeply, when I felt like I needed to move, switch to the other side and BREATHE. It made sense for me to start doing this, after all it’s what I did in early labor with Alex. So “the rotisserie chicken routine” commenced on the couch and I also threw in some child’s pose and standing, leaning over the arm of the couch. Regular contractions did not start right away, and I knew that just because my water broke that didn’t necessarily mean that they would. I was a little worried that it could take up to six, twelve, or even twenty-four hours for contractions to start. I really didn’t like the idea of sitting around long term with my waters broke just waiting for things to happen. At this time, my mother in law arrived. Her role was Alex duty. When he eventually woke up from his nap, she kept him occupied. When Dave got home he went into full home-birth suite set-up mode. Collecting all the items on the checklist, blowing up the birthing tub and setting it up in our dining room. It was a tough role to play in the whole thing and he navigated it wonderfully in spite of us being woefully unprepared.
Luckily, it only took about an hour for contractions to start coming in at regular intervals. At first, they were 15 minutes apart, then 12, then 10. I was so relieved. I noticed that it was when I changed sides that a contraction would begin. It was an interesting feeling, not wanting to move because the pain would start, but also simultaneously wanting to move, knowing that it was good to do in order to progress through this process! As labor progressed and contractions got closer and closer together, it became harder and harder to move myself onto my other side and induce a contraction, but I pushed on. I had a conversation with Erin that let her know that it was time for her and Lori to come over. I asked my doula to come at this time too. When contractions were about 5 minutes apart, I was SUPER uncomfortable laying on my sides and didn’t want to do it anymore. “Rotisserie chicken routine” OVER! With Alex, when I went into active labor, the pains moved out of my abdomen and into my low back. With Lili, the pains stayed in my low abdomen. My preferred position was hands and knees. For some reason the leaning forward helped me with that pain, it’s interesting though because usually that’s a pose suggested for back pain, but whatever, it helped. When the midwives and doula arrived, I was on my knees on a towel and leaning over the edge of the bed. I was in full vocalizing mode too. These contractions were INTENSE. I breathed deeply and hummed through each one. Erin wanted to check me and asked me if I could get on the bed. I told her that I was pretty committed to this position and did NOT want to get on the bed. I asked, if it’s ok, could she just check me as I am. She was happy to comply with my request. This is a seemingly simple thing, but it illustrates one of the many reasons why I was so keen on doing my prenatal care and delivery with a midwifery practice. I had freedom, and a relationship with these women who were helping me. They listened to me, they knew me. This labor was on my terms, I could move freely, and the midwives were there to support me with what I needed through each stage of the process. If I was in a hospital, and if anyone tried to make me lie down on the bed, I would have bit their head off!
When Erin checked me she said “The head is right there!” I asked if I could get in the tub, I was so ready for the relief that warm water brings. Luckily it was the perfect time to get in the tub. Dave was surprised as he watched me hobble over and jump in, it wasn’t completely filled yet, but I did not care, I was SO READY to be in that tub. I set up in the only position I wanted to be in: on my knees, with my upper body leaning over the side of the tub. When the warm water covered my belly it really helped me relax a little bit, and soften the intense sensations just slightly. After I got in, it seemed like things had been ramping up enough, so I was expecting to feel the urge to push soon. It took a few more contractions in the tub before the “I wanna push” sensation started to build. With Alex, during the pushing stage I do not remember it being painful, just hard work. With Lili, I still had that pain in my low abdomen and now as well in my low back, and combined with the hard work of pushing… man, it was rough! I remember having a moment, wanting to reach out for any kind of relief, anything to make the pain stop. I reminded myself that actually, I was doing exactly what I wanted to be doing and that this is pain with a purpose. This was simply what it feels like to move baby down, and out. My doula, Allison pressed into my low back and hips which gave me a little relief. I also remember thinking to myself “I don’t want to do this again!” When baby started to crown, after the push that got her there I was REELING! I started shifting my body, as if trying to escape from it. Erin said something really helpful, she said “It’s ok, just let your baby be in that new space.” I took a deep breath and waited for the next pushing urge to really build, I knew we were almost there. With Alex, I was seated and able to “catch” him myself. I expressed in my prenatal appointments how much this meant to me, and if it was at all possible that I’d love the chance to do that again. So, at this time, since baby was riiiight there, Erin asked me if I wanted to flip over so that I’d be in position to catch the baby. I really appreciated her asking me! But as I said before, I was super committed to the position I was in and knew I needed to stay there and just let them handle business behind me. With the next push, baby’s head was born. It’s an amazing feeling when you hear that the head is out. It’s so validating! All the hard, painful work has paid off! Then one last push and baby was all the way out. I quickly flipped over and Lori placed little fresh born Liliana into my arms. Dave was kneeling right beside me, and Grandma Jill and Alex were there too. I’m so glad they were there and got to witness the magic of this new little person’s arrival into our home. One of my favorite parts of the video we took of the birth is seeing Grandma and Alex in the background, Grandma holding Alex, the two of them lifting and turning their heads to catch a better view of the new arrival. As soon as I laid eyes on my little baby I said “You’re here! Oh, you’re here!” times four. Seriously, I counted. I said “You’re here!” no less than eight times, followed by, “Hi! How are you? Oh, you’re here. How are you?!?” Dave didn’t say anything, but the look on his face is priceless, that look of wide-eyed wonder. He reached his hand into the tub to scoop warm water over tiny Lili. At this time though, we didn’t know that she is our little Lili girl. Her umbilical cord was on the short side and she stayed plastered against me as we transitioned out of the tub and onto the bed. Once the cord was cut, I was excited to shift her position and see who we had here. I got to announce to the room, “It’s a girl!” I was not surprised. During the pregnancy, I had a strong feeling that I was carrying a girl. With Alex, I admittedly had no clue. But somehow, I knew this was our girl.
They say a second birth is easier and faster. Faster yes. But easier? No way! This was fast and furious! All in all, a total of 5 hours of pretty intense labor. I talked to my midwife Lori about this, she said that it makes sense that it was more intense and more painful than Alex’s birth because my body was accomplishing everything that it did in 12 hours with Alex, but over only 5 hours with Liliana. Even though it was way more difficult than I was expecting it to be, I feel so lucky that no complications arose and that I was able to have had another natural, water birth. I’m so grateful that we live in an area where I had the option to choose a well-established, professional midwifery practice. Most of all, I’m so grateful for this beautiful baby girl and that I get to be her mama.
Our lovely Lili has been with us for over a year now. She is small and mighty. So sweet, playful, and smart. Only one year old but she already has opinions, and will let you know it! I’m so excited about our life as a family of four. Alex and Lili bring so much joy and even though it’s not easy, we are really enjoying this chapter in our life and look forward to watching them continue to grow.
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